Is it me?

 

Lost, unwanted, difficult. Reason over reason, Option over option. What exactly is behind of it? Is it destiny or a lack of responsibility?

I never want it. I want it when I see it. Do I really want it then? Or do I want what others have?

Why don’t I want it? I forgot, I don’t remember. I forgot how to have an emotion? Is this even possible?

He starts talking and I view him as average. He starts talking and I view him as boring. He starts talking and I think he is an idiot. Can I look at him and think I get a heartbeat?

When I look at him, I think how can you be useful. Why do I think that way? When I was a child I could get heartbeats? Where is that heartbeat gone?

Am I grown? Am I hurt? Maybe there is fear. But I don’t feel fearful. So what is it then?

Would it be fair to try? Would it be fair to figure it out? Do I want to figure it out? My mind has questions over questions.

If it was real from them, then the problem was me. It always has to be me. But I want a heartbeat.

I can’t feel what others have, And want what others can have. Is it jealousy or a feeling of inferiority? Reason over reason, option over option.

If it wasn’t real from them, then the problem was me. I had a heartbeat and they don’t. Lost, unwanted, difficult. The problem always has to be me.